We know that transformation takes time. We understand on an intellectual level that becoming, transforming, evolving, and healing are processes that require more of us than we usually want to give. We love to use the caterpillar analogy to motivate people to embrace the process of transformation. The caterpillar, like the acorn, has magnificence hidden beneath the layers of ordinary. If only the acorn can be planted, if only the caterpillar submits to the chrysalis, they might undergo a complete transformation where they come out the other side as a mighty oak or a beautiful butterfly. Just like you and I are capable of embodying excellence, if we just....keep....going.....
The way that hardship can ignite our genetic code for resiliency is similar to the miraculous intelligence that seems to just show up when the caterpillar enters its chrysalis. If we can stay aware, present, and patient during times of loss, heartache, terror, and uncertainty, then we can know that even on the darkest of days something miraculous is working behind the scenes. Sometimes, our work is to just show up, one day at a time, one breath at a time, and do the next thing that needs to be done (or undone) and trust that the metamorphosis is occurring even if we have no evidence of it yet.
Doing that - that's faith, if you want my definition of the word. Believing in a transformative power that is beyond your ability or understanding and knowing that if you can stay on the raw edge of life and manage to keep an open-enough heart, this divine intelligence will work a miracle.
The hard part is staying in it. Especially in a world where escape and avoidance are offered in abundance.
I started thinking about our friend the caterpillar, and I wondered,
Is she fully conscious during that process of metamorphosis?
Because, I hear that she's a real gooey mess in there. I hear that she's coming undone, letting go of who she was, and allowing for an almost complete restructuring of her entire being.
That chrysalis that is guarding her, holding her, and supporting her while she undergoes the terrifying process of becoming completely undone - that chrysalis is made from layers of her own skin that she willingly shed because she knew that letting go was the only way to become who she was meant to be. She could have clung to that skin, the only thing that has kept her remotely safe in this big scary world; but instead, she released that layer of herself, believing in the process and having faith in something bigger than herself. The willingness to surrender becomes a container for her to become the most raw, vulnerable expression of herself that she's ever been.
I hope for her sake, she's in a deep sleep and wakes up 9-14 days later ready to spread her beautiful wings, but I wonder... Is she aware inside of the chrysalis? Is she conscious for the part where she's waiting, alone, and a total gooey mess?
Because I can identify with that.
Allowing for conscious change, surrendering on purpose, and then leaning on the absurd faith that this free-fall of powerlessness and defenselessness is all part of the creative process of becoming, and then completely dissolving into a puddle of who you thought you were... Have you been there before?
If you've been there, you know how much you would have missed out on if you would have slept through the gooey phase of unbecoming all you were in order to BE a truer version of yourself now. As painful as it sometimes is to stay wide awake though the process, it's where we learn who we really are. You see, we are neither the caterpillar nor the butterfly - we are the courage to be made formless and unsure so that we can learn to trust in something bigger than ourselves. We are the creative process.
There is a divine intelligence in each and every one of us.
May we shed the old layers, may we trust the process of unbecoming, may we learn to stay conscious even as we choose to step into the unknown.
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